Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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