today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
