Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
