you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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