do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
