I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
