I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
