You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
