The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
