I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
