You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
