Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
