we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
