Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
