No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
