Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
