Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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