also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
