Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
