So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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