On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
