id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
