dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
