You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
