if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
