I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
