After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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