shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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