so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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