Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
