She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
