This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
