I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
