then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
