I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
