i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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