Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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