Jerry, you need to find god
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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