Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
