Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
