The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
