Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
