I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
