whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
