I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
