Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is classic penis vs brain.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
