whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
