does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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