Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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