so that wasnt chicken after all
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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