worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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