Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
