I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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