Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
