2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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