I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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