shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
