I bet he comes in French.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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