people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
