we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
