I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
