It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
false alarm, still single
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
