i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
