I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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