Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
